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Posts tagged ‘unwanted pregnancy in marriage’

THE INCONVENIENT BLESSING- THE WHOOPS! BABY

Let’s face it, sometimes pregnancies are planned with every intention, and sometimes, not so much. Many times, a woman just worries that the timing is just all wrong!  Maybe you just moved. Maybe your career is just taking off. Maybe you are having marital or other relationship problems. And in this economy, you may have the added stress of a recent job loss or long hours that make the prospect of having another mouth to feed or being out on maternity leave a very frightening and stressful concept.

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Other moms, who already had children, just considered themselves “done” and put the thought of crying babies, late night feedings, and diaper Genies completely out of their minds. Either way, you didn’t see this one coming! Perhaps your biggest anxiety is your spouse’s response. He may not be so excited about your pregnancy right now.

A man’s anxiety about fatherhood often stems from financial concerns and worries over how he will provide. He may even blame you and/or resent you. Do not let him play the blame game. It still takes two to make a baby so there is a shared responsibility. Take responsibility for your actions and ask him to do the same, remembering that finger pointing and wallowing in guilt are not going to change anything.

Here are some tips on how to cope:

1. Think positive. Negative feelings can be so overwhelming we forget that we have options. You can choose to respond and act differently. The next time you’re feeling negative thoughts, stop yourself and ask, “Can I respond differently this time? How can I adjust my thinking?”

 2. Hype yourself up! Immerse yourself in the wonderful world of maternity and motherhood. Get the magazines, books, go online and soak up all the positive information about pregnancy you can find.

 3. Be honest. Don’t add more stress to the situation by keeping up a pretense of happiness. You are not the first person to have ambivalent or negative feelings about pregnancy. Try this, “It’s an adjustment, but I’m getting there.”

 4. Do Something. When you start to feel sad, go for a stroll in a local baby store, to oooh and aaahh over all the cute baby outfits you’ll be buying soon. If it works with your budget, buy a small item like booties or a bib.

 5. Count your blessings. Reality check girlfriend! Think of the millions of women out there who are desperately trying to conceive. They spend thousands of dollars on fertility treatments or fly across the world in search of a baby to call their own. Consider yourself blessed to have conceived….even if it’s another round.

 6. Get help if you need it. If your feelings toward your pregnancy prevent you from taking care of yourself–eating properly, seeing your doctor or linger into your second trimester, then you should consider talking to a professional as soon as possible.