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Archive for January, 2014

REASONS TO BE THANKFUL THAT YOU ARE A WORKING MUM…

 

ImageWhen we became mums, we transform from working woman to working mother. Everything changes: our values, priorities, and the time available for both.

Being a working mum comes with many challenges and like many other mums here are some reasons we ought to be thankful to be working mums – perhaps some of these reasons resonate with you:

  1. You are a role model: your career shows your children that they can aspire to be many things. While they may not choose a path similar to yours, they will know all the options.
  2. You contribute financially to today and tomorrow: You are able to do many activities (individually and as a family) that would not be possible without a second income.
  3. You do not have to ask for permission: Bringing income into our home gives you the freedom to make a few purchases that you might not feel right about if you were not working- that handbag, designer shoes, the spa…
  4. Your kids are independent: Although you don’t enjoy leaving your children every day, they  actually do thrive in your absence. They learn to become independent, confident, and contributing future adults. 
  5.  You get to enjoy adult interaction: While one of the  favorite topics has been and always will be our children, it is nice to have a built-in break from this chatter and sometimes talk about customers, reports, current events, and even a nice dose of office gossip.
  6. You get recognition for your accomplishments:  Am sure you love it when your child says thank you for his breakfast or thank you when you find his favorite toy but it is also great to get a compliment from a coworker, boss, or a client. 
  7.  Your kids know they are not the center of the universe: With two working parents in the house, everyone knows they need to help out. The kids can all have age-appropriate responsibilities: They make their beds, take out the garbage, set the table for dinner, and walk the dog. They may not always do their chores, some days are better than others.  But with these responsibilities they are learning to be independent, responsible, and are learning the value of contribution..
  8. Work gives us an identity beyond “Mummy”: Being a mother will always be the most important job. But, all of us still strive for a deeper sense of self. Working allows use to have an identity that is separate from  life at home.

For all these we can be grateful to be working mums …. Feel free to add your own reasons to this list

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TELLING YOUR CHILD “I WAS WRONG”

ImageParents are not perfect. We make mistakes with our children and in our lives. If you have ever raised your voice to your child, spanked out of anger or frustration, yelled at them, or used a curse word in front of your little one, you may have wondered what to do next.

You wonder if you should apologize to your child for losing your temper, or should you simply pretend it didn’t happen?

Apologizing to your child when you make a mistake is not only the right choice, but it’s the only choice that responsible parents can make.

Apologizing demonstrates respect:
When you apologize to your children, you show them that you value their thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Children feel validated when their parents say sorry. It also models a positive way of resolving conflict.

How do you apologize?

Apologize for your behavior, not for yourself. You might tell your child, ‘I’ve been thinking about what happened and I don’t like what I said or did’.

Give yourself a momentary time out. You might say, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not thinking clearly right now. Give me a moment and I’ll get back to you’.

Ask your child, ‘What could I have done differently?’ Ask your child for help in figuring out what to do, and be open to your child’s suggestions. You might say, ‘Did I make a mess of this?’ Kids love to hear parents admit they’re wrong.

You might also ask, ‘What could you have done differently?’ In a non-accusatory way, review what occurred. Use this opportunity to discuss what you and your child could do differently next time.

Remember that no parent is perfect. Think about what provoked your response. Also think about all the good things you do as a parent. Talk to a friend about what happened and find out how your friend might have handled it.

Think specifically about how you might behave differently next time. What it is about your child’s behavior that pushes your buttons? Is there something you can do or say that would change the way you react? You might try taking a deep breath before you speak, or walking out of the room until you figure out how you want to react. Think about this when you’re calm. The heat of the moment might not be the time to fix this problem, particularly if it’s become a pattern.

 

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS EVERY MUM SHOULD MAKE

Yell Less

 No judgment here. It’s hard not to. Sometimes it feels like raising your voice is the only way to get your kid’s attention. But for all the obvious reasons, it’s terrible for kids and moms. So in 2014, try to cut it out. It’ll save you all that time spent with I-just-yelled-at-my-kid guilt.

ImageDo More Things You Like

You’re a good mom spending most of your time thinking about and doing things for your kids, but what about you? Part of being a mom means also being a person. What happened to that yoga class you loved so much? And when was the last time you took out your favorite book? If we want well-rounded kids, we have to be well-rounded parents. So if people ask how you are and you respond, “The kids are fine,” it’s probably time to get a few more interests of your own.

Pay A Little More Attention to  your better half

When you’re not catching up on your favourite TV-show and trying not to yell, try giving your better half a bit more attention.

Start Saying, “No.”

By New Year’s Day most moms are knee deep in “overwhelmed,” having spent the beginning of the school year being a chauffeur, tutor and chef. Guess what? Your kid doesn’t have to be at every birthday party  she/he’s invited to, and the little one doesn’t need a play date every single day. Sometimes doing nothing is doing something, and your kids will enjoy it as much as you.

Put Down That Phone

Multitasking is a mom’s middle name, so it makes sense that we sometimes need to answer an email or respond to a text while the kids are around. But if you’re like me, you find yourself nearly addicted to checking what’s new on the phone- from incoming messages, missed calls and emails. Sure that text is hilarious and that email is top priority, but you don’t really need to check them every minute.

Have Some Kid-Like Fun

Kids get to run around, climb on things, scream to their hearts content, eat fried things and take a nap. Sounds fun, right? Well, why shouldn’t mom? Every now and then, let loose a little. And yes, you can have the fries.

Spend Some Quality Mom-Time With Your Kids Separately

Everyone in the family wants a piece of mom all the time, so sometimes it seems unfair to just spend time with one of the kids. But just like you need the occasional date with the hubs or with a friend, it’s nice to spend some one-on-one time with each of your kids separately. They’ll feel special, and so will you.

Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself

Gosh, being a mom is hard. It’s a job that comes with no manual, education or training. So just like you want your kid to be less hard on herself, lead by example and give yourself a break. You’re doing the best you can.

What else do you think should be on this list?

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL…..CALMING YOUR OWN ANXIETIES

Image It’s the start of a new school year—and a new experience for your family if you have a child just entering preschool or kindergarten. The day is likely to be filled with emotion, possibly compounded by separation anxiety that your child (or even you!) may experience.

Parents may be surprised to find themselves experiencing mixed emotions and anxiety on the first day of school. While you will likely be excited about your child’s growing independence, you may be sad to officially leave the “baby days” behind and have concerns about your child’s well-being: Will my child make friends? Will he like his new teacher? Will she miss me? Will the house be too quiet without my child?

As a parent, be assured that this is a normal and common reaction on the first day of school. It’s hard for parents to separate from their children too. You’re used to having that child be a part of your day, your life and daily activities—it’s a milestone for your child and you.

The following are suggestions for avoiding anxiety-filled moments:

  • Be positive and upbeat. If you’re enthusiastic about school, your child may gain confidence from you.
  • If someone else special to the child such as a grandparent or a neighbor would be better at sending your child to school, ask them to help.
  • Provide your child with a picture of you or the family that he or she can look at when feeling sad. Communicate this with the teacher, and let her or him call the shots on where the picture is kept and when your child should be able to get it out.
  • Have a plan for where you will say goodbye and stick to it. Prolonged goodbyes can make the separation harder for both parent and child.
  • Talk with your child’s teacher about how you are feeling, and ask how your child is coping while in the classroom.

Often the child’s anxious behavior is solely for your benefit, and the teacher may not even know that you are having any difficulty.

The early days of school signal an important and exciting transition, as your child reaches new milestones and levels of independence and learning. Keeping communication channels open between you and your child, and between home and school, will foster the cooperation necessary for your child to thrive as she meets the challenges of this new phase in her life.

GET YOUR KIDS EXCITED ABOUT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL

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–          On the first day of school, prepare a special breakfast. Make it a breakfast that they don’t normally get, and a memorable one.

–           Place a card of encouragement on their pillow. Cards are a physical acknowledgment of love and encouragement, and your child can keep them year after year as they grow. It’s a great thing to look forward to.

–          Promise the kids that if they go through a whole week of school without issue and reprimand at school, you’ll reward them with a for example pizza party, sleepover, a trip the National Park or movies on the first weekend after a whole week of school. This takes your children’s’ minds off the long week ahead and more focused on the fun they’ll have while they transition back into school.

–          Have a special dinner for their first day of school as well, and be home when they get home, because they will have many many things to tell you about. Getting excited and being there for them on their first day of school and caring about their day makes them excited about day 2

The key to making your kids excited about going back to school is being excited for them, and addressing their fears and concerns before school even starts. Making school a celebration gets everyone excited.